Inspiration

30 Things To Remember In Your 30s (and beyond)

boat tripI turned 30 last month. 

It was a normal day in my life. I didn’t feel the particular need to celebrate, partly because we had just had a relaxed weekend away for our wedding anniversary, which was only a few days before my birthday (the picture on the left was taken then).

But more importantly, I feel like I am celebrating life every day, by living with love, joy, purpose, and surrounded by people who care about me and whom I care about.

I want to write about some reflections on turning 30. Initially I thought I would write a letter to my 20-year-old self and tell her the things I wish my younger self would have known. But then I thought, hang on – I don’t need to do this. All the life experiences happen for a reason, as they allow me to learn, reflect and grow.

So this is a letter to my 30-year-old self, on 30 things I would like to remind myself, my beloved friends and readers of this blog (that is you!) of, as we share a ride on this daring journey of life.

1. Be pulled by the future, rather than pushed by the past. The past is important, but it is not the determinant. It is like climbing mountains – when you realise you are half way on a mountain you don’t want to climb, would you want to continue or rather start afresh (or use a cable car to make a lateral move even better!) and climb the mountain you actually want to climb?

 2. Know yourself and stay true to yourself.  One of my favorite philosopher J Kirshumarti defines freedom as “understanding what you are from moment to moment”. Set some alone-time for yourself. Your job is not to become somebody else, but to understand and become who you are.

3. Pay attention to the signs that life sends you.  Perhaps it is a sudden loss of a loved one that makes you cherish life even more. Perhaps it is a job redundancy that gives you the opportunity to finally pursue your dream. Pay attention to these signs and really listen to what the universe is trying to tell you.

4. Be kind and generous, to others and to yourself. Always treat yourself with respect and care. Pat yourself on the back from time to time.  Be less critical of yourself and believe you are in the right place, right now. And treat others in the same way as you would like to be treated. How you make others feel about themselves also says a lot about you.

5. Be of service. Always be of service to something bigger than yourself. Give rather than take. Do things for others. You are born with the unique gifts to make a difference in the world. Don’t waste it. As Pablo Picasso once said, “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”

6. Spend time with people that are important to you. Visit and call your parents more often. Spend some time with your partner, children and close friends. They are the ones who care about you.

7. Let the fear guide you. We have fears, fear of failure (or success), fear of rejections. Accept the fear and dance with it.  Take calculated risks and let the fear guide you. Try to do one thing that scares you every day. The more scared we are of a calling, the more certain we can be that it is something worthwhile doing.

8. Stay hungry.  As the old saying goes – live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever.  Always be ready to learn, explore, connect and grow.

9. Give yourself the permission to be human. There will be such times when you feel down, lost, frustrated or overwhelmed. Don’t beat yourself up. Embrace your own vulnerabilities as it allows you to live to the fullest.

10. Listen to your inner voice. When you feel a “hunch” or a “gut feeling” about something, don’t ignore it. Give that voice a bit more attention and space. Stay connected with your inner wisdom, by meditating, journaling or perhaps spending time in the nature.

11. Act more and think less. Behavior and thoughts influence each other both ways. An idea is worthless if it is not acted upon. Do something, even if it is a tiny step towards your goal every day.

12. Find something you love to do, and do it well.  It needs both passion and focus. Always be a pro, not an amateur. It means being consistent, showing up, sticking to your schedules and following through.

13. Take some long shots. You never know what happens if you ask. You know nothing will happen if you don’t ask.

14. Care less about what others think about you.  Set your own criteria and agenda. It is important to acknowledge other people’s feelings and opinions. However don’t let them stop you from being who you are.

 15. Have your own definition of success. What does success mean to you? What is important to you? What makes you happy and alive? What would you love remembering doing when you were in your 80s?

16. Be willing to let go of what does not serve you. As Seth Godin puts it, “quitting is better than coping because quitting frees you up to excel at something else”. Accept it when it’s time to let go of what you don’t want so that you have the space and energy to pursue what you truly want in your life.

17. Remember you always have a choice, no matter what situation you are in.  You may not be able to control external circumstances or other people, but you are always in control of your thoughts and actions.

18. It is okay to experiment, explore and experience.  Life is not a competition. You don’t need to follow a specific path, climb a ladder or be at a certain position by a certain time. It is a journey. Allow yourself to make some stops when needed, to breathe some fresh air or explore the beautiful sceneries along the way.

19. Be resilient. Being resilient is about accepting what is happening to you, even if it is not what you expected. It is about holding yourself accountable for your decisions and actions. It is about mastering yourself.

20. Cherish your health. Eat healthy. Do regular exercises. Sleep well. Take good care of your body so that it can also take care of you. Plus, study shows that regulator exercises do some magic to your brain and make you happier.

21. Listen to your body. Your body never lies to you. It always tries to tell you something you should know. My body gives me a “warning” sign earlier this year but I knew it’s time I listened to it before it is too late. 

22. Live your purpose. Life does not have meaning unless you give it one. Life is too short and precious not to do things that matter to you.

23. Spread your love. Everyday reach out and touch somebody. Give people a hug when they need it. Write a thank you letter to someone touches your life. Smile to strangers on the street. When you give, don’t expect anything in return.

24. If you don’t like something, change it. Don’t just sit there and do nothing except complaining. If you can’t change it, change the way you look at it.

25. Start even before you are ready. You will never be 100% ready for something. If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you are not sure if you can do it – say yes and learn to do it later.

26. Stay positive.  Focusing on the good does not mean ignoring the bad. Staying positive and focusing on what works gives you more chance to create a positive reality. To a certain extent, life is the product of what you choose to focus on.

27. Travel more.  Visit places that you’ve never been. Talk to local people and see how their lives differ from yours. Learn about their culture and their values. It often offers you a fresher perspective for your own life.

28. Live in the present and enjoy it. Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future. The present moment is all you have and it makes up your life. Stay mindful and conscious of every moment and enjoy it.

29. Keep an open heart and mind.  Accept others as they are, regardless of their religion, ethnicity or gender. Listen to what others say, to words spoken and unspoken. Even if you don’t like someone, believe he or she appears in your life for a reason, perhaps to help you grow stronger.

30. Be appreciative. Be grateful for everything beautiful you have in your life. When you appreciate the good, the good appreciates.

Now it is your turn.  What would you say to yourself if you were to write a letter to yourself, whether it is your past, present or future self? I would love to hear from your in the comments section below.

With love and gratitude,

Jessie

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The Inner Child

healing-your-inner-childEach of us has an inner child within us. She is creative, curious and spontaneous but is also being suppressed by the various conditioning  – the expectations of the parents and teachers, the need to please others, the desire to be strong and perfect. That inner child within us struggles to be heard, seen and connected in one way or another with the world.

As a manager of a department , or a leader of an organisation, are you creating an environment where  your people have the autonomy and space to explore and play about the ideas that they are curious about? Are you encouraging them to be creative and spontaneous without the fear of being judged? Are you allowing them to express who they are and what they stand for at work rather than feeling like having to wear a mask everyday?

It is no doubt an adult to adult relationship at work, but it won’t hurt to create a space where your people feel safe enough to play with their inner child from time to time. Because that’s the place where most of the inspiration, creativity, and satisfaction come from.

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The Common Mistake About Strengths And How You Can Avoid It

Brand-StrengthFirstly I’d like to invite  you to do a quick exercise(I promise it will be 20 seconds only!).

Grab a pen and a piece of paper.

Write your name with your right hand first.  And then write your name with your left hand. If you are left handed, you can reverse the order (i.e writing with your left hand first and then right hand).

What did you notice? How long does it take it for you to write you name with the hand you never use for writing? How does it feel? You may think that, surely if you practice enough you will be writing perfectly with both hands.  Fair enough, with more practice you will be good at using the left hand (if you are right handed) but it might never come to you as natural as you feel when you use your right hand.

And that’s what signature strength is about. Your natural strength is NOT only about what you are good at, but about what comes natural to you, even if you don’t work hard at it.

Do you ever have the feeling that you are really good at something but absolutely hate it? We can all be good at something if we put enough hours into it. But the big question to ask is, whether doing what you are good at energises you, fulfils you, brings you joy and feeds your heart and soul.

The answer is not aways positive. And that’s probably one of the top reasons why it is so difficult to leave a job we don’t like. The more you do it (even if you don’t enjoy it), the better you get at it,  the more your employer pays you to do it, the more difficult it is to leave it behind.

If you fully tap into your natural strengths in your work, you will feel much more at ease with yourself and become happier, more successful and more fulfilled in your career. If there is something you have natural talents in and don’t even have to work hard to get good at it (and you actually notice other people may have to work hard at it!), then you know that’s what you should focus on when considering your next career move or starting your business.

So, how should you identify your natural strengths? Here are the three things you can do today.

1. Ask your close friends what they see as the top three strengths in you.  It is sometimes not easy to discover your natural strengths by yourself because they come so natural to you that you might not even realise you are good at it.  Ask the friends or colleagues you trust to tell you what they see the top 3 strengths in you. Go and reach out to your friends today.  Trust me, you will find some really valuable and insightful (and surprising) answers there.

2.List 3 things that you like to do in your free time, or even pay money to do. How you spend your leisure time says a lot about who you are.  You may enjoy reading and writing on a weekend, or you may enjoy organising parties with friends (not everyone is keen to organise a big party!).  Pay attention to these things that you love doing or that your family and friends can’t get enough of (e.g think about do you have a special role at every Christmas family gathering?).

3. Ask yourself what energises and excites you. Have you ever had the feeling that after finishing a task (that you are good at and everyone thinks you are good at), you feel drained rather than energised? It may be a sign that you’ve practised a lot to get good at it but it may not come natural to you.   If you are using your natural strength, the energy and excitement will fill your mind and body. You can’t wait to do more of it and you look forward to using it in multiple ways.

Now over to you.  What tips and actions do you have when it comes to realising your natural strengths?  What actions do you plan to take or have your already taken to make the most use of your natural strengths?  I would love to hear from your in the comments below.

P.S If you are interested in taking a more systemic approach on finding your strength, check out this book: Strength Finder 2.0 by Tom Reth. The book also contains an online strength-finding assessment that helps you discover your signature themes.

Enjoy the journey of learning about yourself and your inner brilliance.

Jessie

 

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6 Things People With High Self-esteem Don’t Do

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          “Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worthy of the trip. “

                                                                                                                               -Glenn Beck

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel like losing your self-confidence and self-esteem?  It might happen in your childhood when your parents give more attention to your siblings; It might be in the school days when your teacher lavishes praise on the classmate next to you; It might happen at work when you don’t get the promotion that you believe you deserve.

From my coaching working with senior executives who are looking to boost confidence to new mums who are seeking more balance in life, from mid-career professionals who are seeking more clarity on career direction to recent graduates who are just starting off their professional life, the questions of “self-esteem” always show up, in one way or another. Each one of us have those moments in life when we tell ourselves “I’m not good enough”.

If these feelings resonate you, I hope you will enjoy today’s post. Today we will talk about 6 things people with a sense of high self-worth don’t do:

1. They don’t seek validation externally. Instead, they look inward and have honest conversations with themselves.  They believe everything you see in the world is simply a reflection of yourself – your value, your spirit, your belief, your thoughts, your boundary, your joys and fears. They never seek self-worth externally, be it material possessions, respect, praise or recognition from others because they know deep inside that they are already enough.

2. They don’t compare with other people. They know the sense of insecurity can often come from comparing the inside of yourself to the outside of others. You won’t know what other people feel inside even if they look outwardly successful. You don’t know how hard they have worked behind the scenes for years before they make it an “overnight” success. Instead of comparing with other people, people with high self-esteem compare with themselves and focus on being a better self every day. Because nobody can do a better job than you at being you.

3. They don’t make their self-worth conditional on others.  They know their best assets are themselves.  They know they are responsible for their own actions. If they ever feel in a position that they don’t like or want, they take actions to change it.

4. They don’t do negative self-talks. They know that their best friend and the worst enemy are both themselves.  Only by loving themselves can they love others. Only by being kind and gentle to themselves can they be kind and gentle to others. They don’t beat themselves up especially when things are not going in the wrong direction. Instead, they encourage and support themselves as one’s best friends would do.

5. They don’t hide from their own feelings. They recognise their own fears and pains. They believe what makes them vulnerable also makes them beautiful. They fully embrace vulnerabilities as they know this is a necessary part of life. But at the same time, they don’t over-identify with their feelings. They know they are not their feelings, or their thoughts.  They are the observer of their own feelings and thoughts as they come and go.

6. They don’t try to be perfect. They have the courage to be imperfect, to stay real and authentic.   They know how to let go of what they think they should be and fully embrace who they are. They know that they can connect with themselves at a deep level, only by staying true to themselves. And that is where the sense of worthiness will come from.

Have you ever have moments when you have doubt about your self-worth and  what actions you have taken to be more loving to yourself? I would love to hear from you in the comments below.

P.S If you haven’t watched the Ted talk by Brene Brown on the power of vulnerability yet, go check it out. A must watch in my mind:)

Until next time,

Jessie

 

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5 Questions To Gain More Clarity On Your Life Purpose

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I was lying in the observation bed in the hospital, being scanned by a doctor in his mid-forties. He was looking at the moving image on the computer, with a serious look. He focused on one point on the screen with an intense look as if he was trying to see through the skin.

“There is something here that does not feel right.” He spoke gently with his eyes still fixing on the screen, “there seems to be lump here . I suggest you go for another scan”.

“Was it really bad?” I asked.

“Difficult to say. You may have to get it removed by operation, just to be on the safe side.” He then asked me to get up and hand me the report with a long footnote.

On the way home, I started to play the worst case scenarios in my mind. What if I got cancer? What if it couldn’t be cured? What if I only had one year, or even 6 months to live? If this turned out to be true, I would regret that I didn’t have the courage to follow my heart to do the things that I truly wanted to do in my life time.  And I knew that I could’t live with such regrets.

Luckily, it turned out the doctor made a mistake this time. However, the realisation that life is too short to not live as I truly want hits me hard. It allows to me see things very differently from that day and take actions to make changes happen in my life.

Have you ever asked yourself these questions that may help you gain a different perspective and gain more clarity on you want to do with your life:

1. If you only had 6 months to live, would you still be doing what you are doing today? 

Death is part of life. We only know life better with the existence of death. When we are young, death seems so remote to us until we lose someone we love. Most of us are afraid of death – for death could be scary when we had never been truly “alive”, when we would have regrets on our death bed that we hadn’t had the courage to live the life to the fullest and to follow our own path. If we had truly come alive during our life journey and enjoyed the journey with our love and appreciation, death wouldn’t be that scary and would just be as natural as birth.

2. If you were the only person on the earth, what would you do?

How many things you do everyday is to please others, to manage others’ perception of you, to compare with other people, or to meet the expectations of others?  It gets worse when “others” are not even the people we love, respect or want to become.

Have a think about what would you do if you were the only person on the earth, where there were nobody else to please, satisfy or compare to.  If you would love to dance in that world, then you are made to be a dancer. If you would love to write, then you are made to be a writer.  Honour this unique gift you have within you, because you are here to live your own life and not others’.

3. What would you do if you weren’t afraid? 

The fear of failure, the fear of success, the fear of the unknown and the uncertain – We all have fears that may hold us back but can also make us stronger. Fearlessness is not about the absence of fear but the bravery to do it anyways.

Use fear as your internal guide, as fear tells us what we have to do. As Steven Pressfield said in his book “The War of Art ” – “the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. The more fear we feel about a specific enterprise, the more certain we can be that the enterprise is important to us and to the growth of our soul.”

4. If money were no object, what would you do?

Have you ever said to yourself: ” I can’t do this because I need to pay the bills”, “I will quit my job when I get to the next bonus”, ” I am not sure if the financial side of things will work out if I start my own business”…..It is like a pair of “golden handcuff” put on us that prevent us from doing the things we love.

What would you do if money were no object? Money itself is not good or bad, it is simply a token of value for exchange. If you do things you love with your passion and soul, it will show up in your work and will bring value to others. In return, people will naturally give back for the value you created, whether it is money, friendship, love, respect,and etc. If you simply do things that you don’t like for the sake of money, it is very rare any real value is created during the process, plus you could end up doing things you don’t like for the rest of your life.

5. Imagine you were at your own funeral and were surrounded by your beloved family, friends and colleagues, what would you like them to say about you and what difference would you like to have made in their lives?

Reflecting with the end point in mind can be a powerful tool to gain more clarity on what is truly important to you.  Everyday we go through life with our ever growing to-do list and it is so easy to get lost of the big picture of who you want to become and what difference do you want to make in the world.

If you have clear answers to these questions, you might find it easy to make decisions in daily life, whether it is about choosing your career, work-life balance , deciding which project to prioritise or whom you want to spend time with.

Now it’s your turn.  I would love to hear from you in the comments below – have you found any of these questions helpful in gaining more clarity in your life purpose and can you share your answer to any of these questions? Or do you have your own list of questions that get you those “aha moment”?

Lots of love and until next time,

Jessie

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5 Tips To Be More Mindful When Travelling

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I travel a lot for work. Almost every week I make the trip to the heathrow in the early morning, get on a plane to a foreign destination, meet with the clients and then fly back to London (most of the days on the same evening and sometimes it is a 2-3 days trip).

When my friends hear about my hectic travel schedules, they always ask me how I manage to do it. I have to admit only in the last year or so I start to take some small actions to appreciate the journey more.

1. Give yourself some “me-time” on the plane/train 

We have all gone through this before. You prepare the client presentations / pitchbooks the night before and feel exhausted the morning after, not to mention having to catch a flight at 7am.  Rather than reviewing the business plan/meeting material on the plane, allow yourself some time to relax and clear up your mind, or simply do things that you always wanted to do but otherwise didn’t have time to do whilst on the ground (without interruptions!),

I always bring my kindle with me whilst travelling so that I can get to read a few chapters of the book I didn’t have time to read. Sometimes I simply close my eyes and do some meditation by focusing on my breath, which always bring me back to the present moment (don’t worry the cabin crew wouldn’t disrupt you for drinks/food as they typically think you are asleep!).  You can also bring a laptop to work on your side project if this is something you have been putting off due to the workload you have or simply didn’t have the time and focus to start off.

2. Being more present and embrace your new surroundings 

I particularly enjoy the taxi journey from the airport to the hotel as you get a chance to see the scenery, infrastructure, architecture and people on the road. Unless I have urgent emails to deal with or conference calls to join, I tend to leave work related matters later when I get to the hotel and fully appreciate the beauty in front of my eyes.

During the last 12 months, I have been to 5 new countries whilst on business trip (Poland, Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, Luxembourg). Whilst the travel schedules and workload could be hectic most of the time, but I am truly grateful of the opportunities my job gives me to visit these beautiful countries,  get to know the different culture on how people live and do business there.

3. Connect with people you meet on the road 

Here I am not talking about the people you are supposed to meet on your trip (e.g your clients or local colleagues) but those people you (randomly) meet – the custom border officer who is the first person to greet you upon arrival in the new country; the coffee shop waiter who gives you a free coffee because you are flying to the city he is from (I really appreciate this from the Polish guy at the Pret shop at Heathrow Terminal 1!), the taxi driver who picks you up and proudly introduces you the city on your way to the hotel; the friendly hotel receptionist who kindly give you a surprising upgrade and ask you to come back to visit for a holiday; the waiter at the local restaurant who serves you so quickly and professionally so that you can finish in time…

Whilst we are on the road, our mind can so easily be occupied with all the work we need to do, the next meeting we need to attend or the conference call awaits us to join whilst trying to find the boarding pass in the suitcase!  Rather than rushing through the journey and waking up not knowing where you are (this does happen to me once!), making true human connections allows you to be more present in the moment.

4. Pack something that can make you relaxed and comfortable 

I always pack a little bottle of lavender oil with me when travelling overnight.  It never fails to refresh my mind after a long flight or make me feel relaxed in a hotel room ready for a night’s good sleep. Think about anything that you can carry easily that make you relaxed at home, whether it is an essential oil, a small exercise kit (like a travel yoga mat or a resistance band) that can relax your body, or a music CD you always enjoy  – it would do the same trick whilst you are on the road.

5. Use spare time to explore the city or try something local 

I know it is not easy to squeeze time on the road but I always try if I can to explore the city I am visiting if I can. Sometimes it can simply be a walk in the city centre, a taste of the local delicacy or a brief break in a local coffee shop. I recently visited Bilbao in Spain for the first time – that day was one of the most of the hectic travel day I ever had – think about I was in Barcelona, Bilbal and Madrid on the same day (different times of course!). We arrived in Bilbao a bit earlier so my colleague invited me to try a local dish (txanguro as they call in Bilbal) for the lunch before the client meetings in the afternoon – it might be they did so out of guilt (thinking about the tight travel schedule they put me through) but I thoroughly enjoyed it and the short stay in the city . The little local snack almost made my day and I am even thinking about going back there for a holiday!

What tips you have or small actions you take to make your business trip more enjoyable? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Until next time,

Jessie

 

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The Power Of The Universe

 I took this picture the day I started this blog. It was a Sunday afternoon in March and the typical british weather of the sun followed by a shower. I just bought a webhost and started to thinking about the name of my blog. Somehow I have settled on a name “Follow the Light” – In photography you always need to find the light and I see in daily life we also need to let our inner light of wisdom and love comes out a bit more and let it guide us. I was so absorbed in figuring out the domain/host setting up that when my husband asked me to look out to the window I was totally awed by the scene I saw.

It was a complete  giant rainbow in front of my balcony(if you look closely you can also see double rainbow)!. I couldn’t recall then last time when I saw such magnificent rainbow. It was like a giant aroma floating in the sky in a perfect half circle.  It was simply magical that I can only be amazed by the power of the nature. The light reflection was beautiful; the pace of its forming and disappearing was so elegant and graceful, like a beautiful lady passing in your way so gracefully and elegantly, without knowing how beautiful she was and how people were awed by her beauty.

People often say seeing the rainbow is a sign of a starting of a new era, and also symbolise beauty, love and freedom. It sounds exactly where I am right now. I believe I have the courage and faith to start the journey with small actions and steps. As Martin Luther King Jr said, “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase”.

I am not sure when exactly I have this idea of doing something on my own but it is like a seed implanted in your mind that once it is there you just simply couldn’t stop from growing. I want to be in control of what I do (doing things I love of course!), how I do it and with whom I do it with. I want to serve people to help them to realise their full potential because I can see so many people (including myself) not coming alive (yet). The world need people that come alive.

The way I come alive is by serving people and supporting them to live life to the fullest and honour their unique gifts to make a difference in the world. That’s what my heart and instinct tells me. Perhaps the rainbow was the sign – the sign that the universe is trying to tell me to have the courage  follow the light of my heart and  my world could open to such amazingly beautiful magic.

Have you noticed any signs that universe is trying to tell you? Did you follow them? I would love to hear your story in the comments below.

Cheers to the start of the new journey,

Jessie

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